Where Does Heartbreak Land You?

   I've often heard the saying "it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all." Lately though I sometimes wish I had never experienced love or that I have never experienced a great love the way I do and did because it only leads to more heartbreak. It only leads to some life shattering feeling that pumps through my heart and sinks into my stomach. I hate feeling heartbroken, picking up each piece to try and flawlessly put my heart back together and at the same time I am watching more pieces drop to the ground. It is molding my heart into some sort of deformed circle. 

   Heartbreak leaves you on a road to endless questions about your partner. The wondering the if this or if that the buts and maybes. I hate it all. I hate every second of it because I want to just be able to forget about all of it and move on, push forward as if that stage never really existed. Problem is...I can't. For the life of me I can't figure out why it didn't work and why it can't still work. He could tell me all the reasons why and give me a great explanation but something just doesn't click. How could two people be so happy and one day so different?

    I'm at the point of giving up and possibly letting go but the problem is if I do that then it's for good. It's a done deal and as much as I think I should move on because it's for the best I am afraid to. We stick to the things that are most comfortable in life because we fear change. I don't think I fear change I fear the fact that the person I am in love with might really be over me. If I hold on than there is always a chance (at least in my heart) that it might work someday, you know keep trying. If I let go and he doesn't come looking for me and he is happy then I am stuck trying to pave a new path because my heart is filled with so many dead ends. 

   At the end of the day where does heartbreak land you? Sure, I feel privileged to have experienced such a great love but what is going to happen next? When will I be loved the way I want?